By Kyle Christopher

Like a mother hen caring for her chickens, we care about our customers . . . a lot. If we don’t hear from a customer for a while, we sometimes fear the worst. We can only assume one of the following:

1. We’ve been relegated to the status of some freak sideshow clown; or worse

2. Our beloved customer has gotten trapped underneath a fallen storage array.

We’re here to help. We’ve heard IT storage workers wonder aloud whether their SAN, servers and fabric are secretly plotting against them. We would be remiss if we didn’t tell you the whole truth: They are out to get you, trapping storage workers daily. We’ve gathered some tips from experienced escape artists who know how to dodge the worst your SAN can throw at you.

Here are 5 ways to prevent you from getting trapped underneath your SAN.

1. Spin Move

When escaping your SAN, it’s best to go back to basics. This is where a spin move can help you out. In this case, your SAN is the defender and you’re on offense, as well you should be!

2. Various Oils

Baby oil can work wonders for you. For best results, we recommend bathing in it prior to starting your day, in your clothes. This will also keep you hydrated throughout the day by trapping in moisture, an added bonus really. Considering doing this daily. Then you can quietly slip away when your SAN thinks you’re down for the count.

3. A Lighter-Weight SAN

There are lighter-weight SANs out there than the one you’re currently utilizing. Consider a light-weight SAN to provide you a quick and easy escape from a SAN trapping.

4. Strength Training

There are a lot of strength training programs out there. The important thing is consistency. Hitting the gym once a month just won’t do it. One program we’ve found most effective is the Black Iron Beast. So when your SAN comes at you from nowhere, you can show that SAN who’s boss!

5. Crowbar

If your strength isn’t quite up to par just yet, it’s best to find a quick fix that can get you through until you’re ready to take on your SAN. This is where a crowbar can be helpful. It can give you a little extra leverage to help you slide out from underneath the SAN. Remember that it’s best to leverage from the bottom as that’s where most of the weight is within your SAN.

Show that SAN what’s up! Bam.